confusion
It's been a while since I blogged. Life's been ok. I've been thinking a lot. About everything. About my friends, family, school...about my future...about music, academics....about myself. Thanks to Dhruva's blog, I'm thinking about poor people in Africa. Basically I'm in a highly confused state. I was probably less confused before I got into this thinking spree (couldn't think of another word). Everyone is always thinking. Its a fact. Sometimes, you think harder than others. The topics I have mentioned are extremely suitable for hard thinking. Once you start thinking about any of the above mentioned things, you can't stop. The harder you try to think about something as inane and nonsensical as the things you're usually thinking about, the harder it becomes to stop thinking about the sensible and frankly, quite scary things that you usually don't think about. I don't know why I want to stop thinking about these things. Probably, some time in the future when I am thinking about nonsensical things, I will think to myself - "Instead of thinking about this nonsense, why don't I think about somethink sensible?" But quite obviously, sense does not come to me on demand, and when it does come, it scares the shit out of me as it is doing now, and leaves me resolving to study harder, practice harder, try to improve myself as a person. I will study for at least 2 hours in a day, I tell myself. I need to do well, its 12th standard, my life depends on the results of the board exam. I tell myself I will wake up by 5:30 or 6 every morning and practice. These resolutions usually last for about a day. Then, somehow, they manage to worm their way out of my life, leaving me as useless as I was before. So now, I think to myself, why resolve? You promise yourself you will do all these things, but you never do. Where does that leave me? Resolving to keep my resolutions. Ha...quite a vicious cycle, isn't it?I'm confused. Confused about everything. Confused about my family, my friends, my future. Myself. 'What will you do after the 12th standard?' everyone asks me. 'What will I do after my 12th standard?' I ask myself. God alone knows, and I have a suspicion that even he (she?) isn't too sure right now. Medicine? No way. Engineering? No. Viz Com? Nah. B Sc Physics or Chemistry? Maybe. So that leaves me with....well...nothing. Nothing concrete at any rate. I want to sing, but as much as I resolve, I never practice properly. Do I have what it takes? Maybe. Can I count on it? No. So now what? All I know is that whatever it is that I do, I want to do it in Chennai so I won't have to leave my music classes. So now, I'm left with 'after the 12th standard, I will stay in Chennai'. Not too encouraging, I must say. And I'm singing 'joyful, joyful'.
blabbered by Aditi @ 10:10 PM
1 Comments:
haha....not bad...funny for once - "thanks to dhruva's blog, I am thinking about poor people in africa. Try to write about more interesting things though....not always about tution.
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